My current difficulties in making comics - GC Forums
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My current difficulties in making comics
I apologize immensely for the length, but I hope you bear with me as I lay out my feelings
For the past few years, I've had this idea for a comic that I really wanted to do. At the time, I knew I wanted to be a comic artist, but being as young and inexperienced as I was, I couldn't stick to a story I wanted to tell. It wasn't until one day in late 2019 when an idea came to my head for a story; only this time, it actually stuck. Looking back, my initial idea was rather simple and juvenile, but the more I developed it over time, the more intricate and compelling I felt it was becoming. However, while I was slowly developing my story into (what I think is) something great, therein lies the problem. I spent a lot of time developing it, but not actually making it. The reason for it: because I felt I wasn't good enough yet to make it.
Over these last few years, I've come to learn a lot about comics, how they're made, what people like about them, what people don't, what works, what doesn't, etc. I learned about webcomic hosting sites around this time, which left me rather ecstatic since I wasn't sure how I was going to get my story out there. However, even though I was learning about all this stuff, I wasn't making the comic. I felt I wasn't ready yet. Instead, I spent my time attempting to improve my drawing skills. This may not have sounded like a bad idea on paper (no pun intended), especially since my skills did slowly begin to develop. Although, I felt as if my art wasn't good enough. I kept forcing myself to try to learn about all of these different concepts in art and try to get better and improve, but I saw little to no improvement. The only thing I got out of it, which also contributed to the seeming lack of development, was long stretches of burnout.
During these stretches of burnout, I continued to fine-tune the concept in my head and realized that my writing skills were pretty bad too. As I learned more about the types of things people liked and didn't like about comics, as well as getting various perspectives and advice from interviews or commentaries, I started to feel like I needed to put in additional work in my story as well as my art if I were to go toe-to-toe with others striving for the same thing I was. However, ultimately, my initial idea, while growing, isn't fully there yet. I started fearing the types of things that would happen if I couldn't do this story justice, but instead of working on it, and documenting all of my ideas
I also began expressing concerns as a self-publisher. While I read/heard stories of people succeeding in securing high readership, praise, and even publishing deals, I was also hearing stories of people failing, falling under obscurity, falling under scrutiny, or just being straight-up ignored. As someone as inexperienced as I am, I felt an additional pressure to do better than all of these other amateur creators in every aspect, and to not mess up on what has become my dream project. I feared that if it didn't look and read like an amazing comic, no one would spend time on it. I felt that I needed to have those things to matter as a creator, and the only way to do that would be to create something that could get those things.
One piece of advice I heard over and over was to hold off on working on such huge projects as a beginner and focus instead on making smaller works. I will admit that it is good advice and that I recommend following it if you're new to this yourself. I almost did. Admittedly, even though I feel I'm not that good at coming up with shorter works, I did come up with a few ideas for one-shots to make. Most of them never went past the concept, but there were a couple that I was genuinely interested in working on. I actually got as far as writing an almost complete script for one of them. "Almost" being the keyword. I never finished it. Despite how far I got with it, my fears and insecurities got the better of me towards the end, and I ultimately abandoned it. The same goes for the other one-shot; only for that one, instead of making a script, I went straight to storyboards (manga-style), but I got to only a few pages. Afterward, I went back to my initial idea, only to end up in the same rut.
Throughout all of this, I slowly started fizzling out of interacting/reading stuff on Tapas, which was where I originally planned on posting my project(s) and was the first webcomic site I grew an attachment to. I was going to post them on Webtoon as well, but I deleted my account there after the various controversies of last year. While I was there, I did mention how I planned on working on something and even asked for some advice when I felt like I was down. While I did get advice, and even got to talk with a few people, as time went on, I was there less and less. I started feeling ashamed to be on there and talking with the other users since I didn't have a comic, whereas most, if not, all the people I talked with on there did. Here I was with no project under my belt, alongside all of these other people actually telling their stories, even when it proved difficult for some of them due to time, other obligations, and personal struggles.
That's another thing as well. While all of this has been going on, my personal life throughout these past few years has not been at its best. I won't be divulging any details, for reasons I'm sure you all can understand. However, I will say that these past few years have been... challenging, to say the least. I will admit that it isn't as bad as it could be, and some people undoubtedly have it worse than me, but I'm not going to act like my feelings are invalid. I've gone through quite a lot emotionally and mentally throughout all this time, and frankly, I still kinda am. While I did try to work on my comics during all of this, my stress combined with my insecurities just left me stuck.
In the end, I deleted my Tapas account, went through another long stretch of burnout, and continued to think up ideas for my story while trudging through my day-to-day life. Shortly before leaving Tapas, I found out about GlobalComix and then NamiComi. After some consideration, I decided to get accounts on both sites (I even did them both on the same day) intending to eventually post my work on there. While I was excited at first, it didn't take too long before I started to spend less time on them much like I did with Tapas. That's why I haven't been on here all that much: I have the same insecurities about interacting here as I did previously.
So, where does that leave me now? Well, stuff in my personal life has gotten both better and worse. While the stuff going on has been more difficult for me as of late, I am making strides in improving things. In terms of comic progress, my story still isn't materializing yet. I have been spending some time recently copying some pages and panels from other comics as practice, but not enough time, nor have I completed a significant amount. I would say it's the things in my personal life that are taking up a lot of that time, but that would only be partially true. While my personal life, and all of the things going on there has taken priority at the moment, I still have plenty of opportunities to work on my projects or practice. The truth is, I'm scared to work on that stuff because I feel like I'm not getting good enough. I know it's dumb to think that since I know I'll improve with the experience, but I just cannot get myself to do it.
I want to make one thing clear: I still want to make this comic. I still want to tell this story. This story means so much to me now, that the thought of abandoning it would be nonsensical. No matter how long it takes me to get my act together, or how many projects (if any) I have to do beforehand, I still want to make it. Although, if there's anything I have learned as a result of all this, it's that I should have already made this comic. Even if it was bad, amateurish, or if I ended up hating it, I should have still made it. If I had, I could have learned from the experience and made an even better story with the skills I was improving upon. While I say that, I still feel a large sense of inadequacy that's preventing me from finally working on this story. It's something that may take more time to get over.
I'm sure some of you are wondering why I decided to write all of this. Honestly, I got tired of dealing with these feelings without fully discussing them. I have tried talking to other people about this, but I either feel like I couldn't explain it enough, or they couldn't fully understand. I wrote this because I wanted to get my feelings out there with people who either understand what I'm going through, have dealt with something similar, or are going through something similar. I know I'm not the only one who's been down this road, but I haven't really discussed any of this in detail with fellow artists who have/had the same issues. As I write this, I don't know how you guys are gonna respond to what I say. However, I feel that if I were to move forward in making my comics, writing this was necessary. If I ended up relating to someone going through the same thing, that would be pretty good too. I apologize for how rambly this has been.
I don't know when I'm finally gonna make this comic, but it won't be for a while. I hope that if you've been kind enough so far to read all of this, you'll be equally understanding and patient as I slowly figure things out and get back on track. Thank you for your time.
Hi there! I wanted to reply to you sooner, but I made sure to take the time to really read this through a few times. Here are some thoughts for you, one creator to another.
1. I spent a lot of time developing it, but not actually making it.
I also fell into this trap. I started Godsbane way back in 2009 (first year of college and the same year I started drawing) as a very simple story, a short 4.5 minute animation, and it was never supposed to be more than that. But it stuck around. I enjoyed the characters and the story I was slowly building over the years. By the time I was finishing up my second college degree in 2015, I was comitted to making it, but felt like I was nowhere near ready for it. I didn't feel ready until this year. I JUST released the official Godsbane Chapter 1 on March 27th. I think that we as creators put a lot of pressure on ourselves to act quickly and get stuff done, but taking a lot of time to do something doesn't diminish its value by default. Often, with the right TLC, it makes it more valuable.
2. One piece of advice I heard over and over was to hold off on working on such huge projects as a beginner and focus instead on making smaller works.
You absolutely 100% should have done this, and I think not doing it has hurt you and stunted your growth. Based on this paragraph, it feels like you aren't willing to be bad at something before you are good at something. You don't get better at MAKING comics by not making them. You don't get better by THINKING about them. You get better by doing. By holding off on doing your "amazing comic" and not allowing, not giving yourself PERMISSION to make bad comics, you are stressing yourself out into the point of burnout. The reason we (I give out this advice all the time) is because it gives you practice in FINISHING something. Taking something from start to finish.
If you aren't able to write your own short stories, take an existing short story and turn it into a short one-shot. Think fairy tales or lore or myth, that way you odn't have to write anything, just draw. It takes a lot of the pressure off from writing. However, I will also give you the other half of "why we offer the short story" bit. And a LOT of writers don't like hearing this, You cannot write a longer story if you cannot write a short one. A shorter story gives you practice with beginning, middle, and end. Or in manga, Ki, Shou, Ten, Ketsu.
Again, you didn't allow yourself to make bad stories and learn from them. You are trying to run before you can walk here, or so afraid of falling, that you never walk, and thus, will never run properly or efficiently.
3. The same goes for the other one-shot; only for that one, instead of making a script, I went straight to storyboards (manga-style), but I got to only a few pages.
Here's another tip: You don't have to finish teh script before you start drawing. Sometimes, it's better to let the story lead you versus you deciding how it should end. A script can be a good place to start, but if you are unsure of the ending, draw it anyway and see where it takes you! Some of the best stories and even songs were fly at the moment by the seat of our pants! Even if you never end up finishing it, you'll get the practice of making those pages, thus increasing skills. You can ALSO always return to it later if you feel ready to finish it. These things don't have a time limit on them. They'll always be there when we are ready.
4. I feel like I'm not getting good enough. I know it's dumb to think that since I know I'll improve with the experience...
This is absolutely NOT dumb, and you'll find that this is a very common thing experienced by a lot of people, myself included! Art growth involves two things (both growing at the same time at their own pace). We grow in skill, our perception of the faults and things wrong with our work fall behind. This can be an art high, where we feel great about our work, and we have lots of motivation. But eventually the ability to see the flaws in our own work as our skill in PERCEPTION catches up, we feel flawed and terrible at art. We get overly critical, and we hate it, even if we ARE improving. Gradually, we make the changes we see we need, and the cycle starts agin with an art high. So yeah, this is a very normal thing you are experiencing.
5: I want to make one thing clear: I still want to make this comic.
This is the important part, however, I think you need to "kill your darlings" here. I'll explain that in a minute, but I want to read the rest of this first.
6. I should have already made this comic. Even if it was bad, amateurish, or if I ended up hating it, I should have still made it.
This right here, as I mentioned above. I don't feel like you are giving yourself permission. The third reason we tell people to make other comics first, shorter ones, is so that those stories that you don't hold as dear can be used as your experiments, your test projects. They have less pressure to be "good" and less reason to stress over them. They are a learning tool that's ok to "be bad" at. Allow yourself to make something imperfect, otherwise, it'll suffocate you.
7. I haven't really discussed any of this in detail with fellow artists who have/had the same issues.
I think you'll find a lot of people never make comics for this very reason, more than we could ever count, as many folks give up before they even start. At least YOU have started, and tried, and ARE trying. You are ALREADY doing more than most people ever do, so make sure to take that into account when you are talking yourself through this process. There's no need to apologize for how rambly it is.
Other thoughts:
The reason I brought up Godsbane is that I've been down this road since 2009. I've been through two college degrees, homelessness multiple times, I've moved cross-city or cross-state or cross-country numerous times, I've had 1 job or 2 jobs or 3 jobs. My point is, life comes for all of us, and sometimes we have to delay what we really want to do to survive. Let me be very clear, there is ZERO shame in that. Never let anyone make you feel bad for focusing on survival. That was needed and you did the thing. Good job on doing the thing.
I myself went through this. While I started Godsbane in 2009, I only started drawing Chapter 1 (this final version of it) in late 2023. It took 14 YEARS for me to start the official version. In the time inbetween, I had college, an internship, I worked in printing and bartending (and a lot of GREAT storytellers I learned from in that bar), but I also kept making comics and manga. I made short ones, like 10 pages or less. I made little strips with 3 panels only to practice jokes and puns. I kept a sketchbook, and got my story of Godsbane on paper, er, google doc, to start sorting it out, and worked on writing and developing it as I had time. I didn't stop working on Godsbane in the last 14 years. I kept writing it. I drew other comics and commissions and other art to develop my skils, my character design, my environments and backgrounds, and screentone skills. I worked on each skillset slowly over more than a decade, and now, only now, do I feel "ready".
But I don't feel ready. I know if I wait another 20 years I'll be amazingly good by then! But I'll also be 20 years older. I may have other stories and ideas I want to accomplish. So I'm going to make Godsbane now. I'm going to love it for what it is, instead of making it into this beast that has to be perfect. Because perfect is IMPOSSIBLE. Stop trying to make something good or amazing. You'll have other projects you probably love more than this one later down the line. Why stake your entire self-worth and career on your FIRST comic? That's an unreasonable, and frankly unfair expectation for anyone.
Before my own reply gets too long, let me summarize with this:
1. You do not need to be good to start, but you do need to start to be good.
2. It's better to make bad comics than no comics. Make strips if you have to. Get a short story or song or AMV that you love and make a comic out of that. That way you don't have to write, you can zero in on your art skills and keep writing on the side as you have time.
3. This one is hard, but learn to separate your skills and art from yourself. YOU ARE NOT YOUR ART. You are you, and art is what you DO, not who you are. In order to have a healthy life balance, you cannot wrap your self-worth in your work, how well it is received, or what others think of it.
4. To hell with what others think about your work. Scott McCloud said to make the types of comics you want to read. Don't make stuff you think OTHERS would enjoy. Make what YOU would enjoy, and the haters can quite literally fuck off.
5. If you started making comics only in 2019, I have amazing news for you, you are still YOUNG in the comic space. I'm not sure how old you are in human years, but many of the folks you see doing well on tapas or webtoon, or even here have been doing comics for a lot longer. It's unfair to yourself to say "I should be at their level" when they've been MAKING comics for double or triple what you have been. And by your own admission, you've not actually MADE very many. Be kinder, more reasonable with yourself. You might have 5 years of experience writing comics, but how much of that time has been dedicated to actually MAKING the pages and putting it all together? Not 5 years I'm sure.
So: Make the comic. Make bad comics. Make good comics. Make amazing comics. You WILL end up making bad pages. It's ok. Make them over. IT's ok to start over. There is no comic police that will show up at your door if a page does badly. Just take a breath, walk away, and start over. Feel free to DM me if you need a chat or a word of advice. My DMs are open to all people here. Good luck.
You can do this.
Just jump in and start drawing. Draw for the love of it, not to impress or meet some imagined bar of success. Draw several pages, hate it and put it in a drawer. Come back to it later and fall in love all over again. Such is the process.
For most of my 20+ years I've been mostly a strip artist but back in 2020 I finally said to hell with it and did what I always wanted - make a manga-style comic. COVID gave me a perfect opportunity to just stop saying I was too busy. I stopped worrying if I was good enough, if I could come up with something people would read. Before I knew it, I had leapt off the cliff and I was either going to land on my feet or die trying. Now I've got nearly 1000 pages to show for my efforts and my skills have improved tremendously.
Am I embarrassed by my earlier work on this series? Yeah, a bit. But I won't go back and change it because it shows how my skills have grown. And believe it or not, a lot of readers like seeing that growth and taking your journey with you.
Even if you never post it, make it. Your skills will improve and your confidence will as well. Then one day, you'll be ready to share something.
Every year I stop and do this comparison just to remind myself how far I've come and how I wouldn't have if I had never started.
I understand where you come from. Your worries aren't baseless at all, self-published route has higher likeliness to be suck and starting with a large project immediately could be overwhelming. You can take as much time as you want until you feel good enough to execute your dear idea, but you might end up never making it at all because the bar you set for yourself is, perhaps, way too up there hidden by the clouds.
If you don't feel confident in starting the series immediately, as you've heard a lot before, you can try making short or oneshot comics first. To step this up, my suggestion would be making a single pilot episode of your idea. This way you'll end up actually working on a comic with the idea you like, and at the same time you can see where to take the next step with the bigger draft and what could be improved whether immediately or in the long run. Or, you know, you can always remake your comic later, maybe like 8 years later when your newest art no longer resemble how you started off. A lot of options. We don't actually improve by just imagining something.
I had a really neat concept I've been going on and off for five years or so, and every year I tried to draft the first chapter only to either end up scrapping it—because I don't like how it turned out and can't pick up the direction from there—or lose it due to technical troubles (which is unfortunate). Anyway, just got this 'snap' in my brain gears really recently and thought to myself, "Ah, time to try it again this year."
If you're not having your comic under contract or a publisher, don't put yourself on a pedestal and being too hard on yourself. It's your dream, and you're the only one who can chase after your dream.
Thank you all for the advice and encouragement. Since making this post a couple of weeks ago, I've had an idea or two on how to proceed, but your suggestions are worth much consideration. Admittedly, things on my end are going to be a bit busy for a while, but I'll try to draw as much as I can with the time I have. I greatly appreciate the time you took to respond, so thank you very much.
All the advice you need is here @goodbye, @cmc and @ArtCrumbs have said everything. The 2 things I can add is ; First, discipline/consistency. Set a deadline for each stage. Once you finish with the stage move forward. Secondly, Finish 1 page completely to see where the book is going, realize a small part of the vision to show you where you are going. I made my 2nd book, a graphic novel, while working. Sometimes I couldn't work on it for a week or two, sometimes 3. But I kept going.
Hi everyone. I wasn't sure if I should post an update, but I'd feel guilty and slightly burdened if I didn't speak of it.
The last time I posted here, I came up with a plan based on the advice I was given along with a suggestion from a friend. I knew it would take me a while to fully get into things, as I already had stuff going on, hence why I wanted to get back into things quickly. I managed to draw one page with the time I had over a couple of days. It wasn't super detailed or compelling. Hell, I didn't think it was that good even after I finished it; but, I DID finish it, and I figured that should count for something.
I planned to continue drawing single-page comics or strips from a list of prompts someone showed me as well as for a contest, then maybe try to adapt some short stories into slightly longer strips later on. However, right as I was going to work on my next page, I got sick. Nothing serious; just a cold. I got better after a few days, but I wasn't able to do anything at that time. Unfortunately, this also included my other obligations. I had something very important coming up that I needed to get done, so that took priority after my recovery.
I wish I could say afterward I got back into things, but that would be a lie. Truthfully, I haven't drawn anything since that one page, even with the time I do have. Then, well, something happened this week that made my mental health take a nose dive. I can't explain what it was, obviously, but it's not something I'm happy about. Not horrible, just dispiriting.
Quite honestly, I don't want to use this thread for this sort of thing. However, I felt I should at least give an update to those wondering how/if I was progressing. Truthfully, I'm not good at sticking to the plans I come up with. Something else for me to work on. Right now, I'm at an impasse. I need to focus on my other priorities at the moment, sort out this new thing I gotta deal with if I can, and then figure things out from there. I don't know how long that will take, sadly. I'll do my best to work through it. My apologies.
Thanks for your understanding.
@MComicman you're welcome. Hope you get through this
Well, here I am again.
I was hoping not to do this, but I once again find myself stuck in a rut. I feel selfish for typing this out since I know what I could be doing instead. I'm not even really sure what I'm hoping to get out of making another update. Vindication? Reassurance? I don't know. Whatever it is or ends up being, I'm not sure. I really didn't want to keep making updates; especially ones of this length. I apologize for that. If you'll bear with me once again, here's my update.
I'll start with what's been going on since last time. Or rather, as much as I can explain without personal details. I made mention previously of something happening that didn't do any good for my mental health. I am thankful to say that it cleared up, mostly. After that, I began trying to copy pages again. I only succeeded in halfway copying a single page of Dragon Ball (I began reading the manga for the first time after the unfortunate passing of Akira Toriyama). Following that, drawing mostly took a backseat while I focused on other responsibilities.
This went on from May through June. However, something happened towards the end of June. Something incredible happened that finally made things turn around for me. I can't say what it is, since it's more of a personal thing. I'll just say that it's something that I had been hoping to accomplish for more than half a year now, and it finally paid off. Along with this, came another opportunity to do something that I had been considering doing for a while now: taking art classes. I was unsure of it, but I realized now that things were getting somewhere, this may be the time to do it.
I figured it may be a good idea to take a class to improve my foundational skills before I jump into one that focuses solely on cartooning. After all, much of those foundations may often be integral to comic art. Plus, it could give me the confidence to work on my own stuff in addition. To be cautious, I did get in contact with the instructor of this class beforehand to ask about it, explain my intentions, and even send a few art samples to verify if my skills were at a good enough level to start taking it. They got back to me and said that my work was strong and that if I wanted to take their class, it wouldn't be an issue. So, I signed up, got the supplies I needed, and was ready to attend. So far, things seem to have been going great.
Then the first day happened. I won't mince words. I damn near had an anxiety attack.
I felt completely of my depth. Now, it's not like I don't know any of the fundamentals of drawing, or that I'm a complete novice. Even if it wasn't as much as others, I HAVE spent time practicing. I HAVE worked on some things, and this is a class designed to improve upon some of the skills that I lack. Even if I hadn't been practicing recently, I still knew what those skills entailed, and how to execute a competent drawing in a relatively decent manner.
Right?
Therein lies the problem. It was here when I finally realized how much of my lack of practice screwed me over. While everyone else understood the first thing we needed to do, I misunderstood. I messed up on the very first thing I needed to do. Suddenly, this wave of intense pressure came over me, and not only was not confident in what I was doing, I was flat out telling myself that I couldn't do it. It didn't help that whenever I looked at what another person was drawing, it looked significantly better than what I felt I was capable of. These people had practiced. I hadn't. Even after knowing what the assignment was, the intensity of my thoughts grew more and more. I would sketch it out, then erase it. Sketch it again, erase again. Again, and again, and again, and again. By the end of the class, I had nothing. My instructor was sympathetic, explaining that they had days like that as well when starting. That it was nothing to be ashamed of.
Let me tell you, I felt pretty damn ashamed.
Despite reassurances, I felt completely dejected. When I got home, I began to consider what to do. I felt like quitting the idea was the worst idea since 1) it was only the first day, 2) those supplies I got along with the class itself would've been a waste of money (and none of this was cheap), and 3) what was going to stop me from doing such a thing if I took a different class? In the end, I decided to continue, despite how I was feeling. I felt that perhaps this really did come down to me overthinking things and trying too hard to be perfect at a new skill that I hadn't practiced. Plus, there was the fact that I simply hadn't practiced as well. As much as I needed to focus on other things that were of equal or more importance, the fact is that by not practicing my art at all, I doomed myself from the start. So, I decided to do just that. I practiced what it was we were doing in class, if only just a little bit. Even if it was just that little bit, I knew it would help.
I went in the next day with a better mindset and with slightly more optimism. I did better. Not perfect, but I at least got stuff on paper. I even got feedback on the practice pages I did at home. There are some things I need to work on, but that's to be expected. I still had some of those same thoughts, but they weren't nearly as bad as the day before. When I got home, I continued to practice. The next day, I continued to practice for a good portion of the day. The day after that (yesterday), I had a late start after a couple of errands, but I was able to practice. I even got pretty far into it; filling up a good chunk of pages. Then there's today.
...Nothing.
I don't know what happened. I didn't have errands, no other plans, no sudden occurences, nothing. The only plan I made was to sit down and practice. Sitting down in itself took a little while since I didn't start immediately when I wanted to. But, I was able to sit with my supplies out and everything, ready to begin.
...Then, I just...didn't.
Sure, I started the day on my laptop, but that's how I began the other couple of days, and that didn't stop me then. Except, today, I found myself continuing to sit on the laptop, even when I had everything out. Some of you may be thinking "Why did you have your laptop out in the first place?" When I practiced at home, I used photo references from a site called Line of Action, which is a popular site for helping artists develop skills in anatomy and gesture drawing. I needed to have my laptop out to use this site. I had no problem doing this the previous two days. Today, I didn't go on it. I didn't practice. I still haven't practiced today. More than half the day is gone, and the only thing I have to show for it is what you're reading (assuming you've stuck around).
I genuinely can't explain this. It wasn't a feeling of perfectionism, or lack of confidence, or anxiety. Distraction, maybe? That still didn't stop me the other couple of days, though. It wasn't any sort of feeling. I just didn't do it. I think that's the part that's getting to me. I've noticed a pattern in how I draw/practice. I'll do it for a couple to a few days, then suddenly stop. Usually, I would blame it on my pessimistic thoughts, lethargy, or hell, even my other responsibilities. Even that last one feels like an excuse now. Today, I had no such reason. I just didn't do it.
If there's anything I can blame, it's myself.
I spent all of this time not drawing, not writing, not making comics. Now that I finally have something to help me out, a goal to achieve, and someone to help me out, I find myself repeating the same old habits as usual. Who's to say this won't continue? Who's to say I won't keep doing this? I'm not making excuses for myself anymore. I have the opportunity. I have the time. I have the tools. Literally, nothing is getting in my way except me. I'm doing this to myself.
To any of you who have stuck around, I commend you. I once again apologize for what is essentially an essay-length diatribe. Honestly, I don't know how anyone will respond to this. I'm only making this post because I once again find myself in a position where I feel like I have to let my feelings out there. Perhaps some of you can relate. Maybe some of you DO think I'm being selfish, or that I'm trying to avoid something that I obviously should be doing. There may even be a few of you angry that I'm complaining about this while you are actually putting up with the work you're supposed to be doing.
To anyone who feeling the latter, I am sorry.
I hope I can do better.
I think the solution to your problems lie in your own statements here.
1. When it comes to the class, you admitted that you hadn't practiced as much as they did, and yet you still expected yourself to perform on the same level as them. I'm a little curious why you feel the need to perform as well as them. Your journey is yours, and you don't know what trials or privileges those other people have gone through to get to the point that they are. My suggestion for future classes is to not look at what others are doing, focus only on you and what you're doing. If you need help or have a question, ask the teacher.
There's really no reason to be focusing on what others are doing, because you are there to grow and learn and increase your skillset, not compare, make it a race, or make it a competition. I'm not saying you are intentionally doing that, but it might be subconsciously an issue you are doing with because you already are experiencing unhappiness with your current level. This relates to my next point >
2. The paralysis you experience has a name in the art world, we call it white canvas syndrome or blank canvas syndrome. It's a term we use to describe something that's not really a block or anxiety, it's a more executive dysfunction when writing or drawing. The desire to create is there, but the body doesn't obey. To bring it back around to my first point, my theory here is that you know you cannot create the level or work that you want at this moment. So to avoid disappointing yourself, you simply don't create. It could be a form of avoidance and procrastination due to stress.
I used to struggle with this issue as well, and it ultimately came down to not giving myself permission to make bad art or art that wasn't up to my standards. When learning to make art (which is life long by the way), you'll have periods of doubts and frustration. You HAVE to be willing to accept that you are going to make "bad art". I've made bad art. Famous mangaka like Kishimoto, Murata, Mirura, etc have all made bad art. Legendary Kim Jung Gi, Bob Ross, DaVinci, all of them made bad art and they still turned out great. If you constantly obsess over the quality of every single artwork you make, you will drive yourself mad into a form of paralysis.
I used to struggle with this as well, especially as I went from 99% digital drawing to suddenly only traditional when I entered art college. Thankfully, one of my teachers found a way to help me get accustomed to making mistakes, and it literally changed my life. I'm not sure if it would help you, but it works as a type of exposure therapy. So feel free to try it.
Each week, try to fill one page in a sketchbook or sheet of copy paper with ink drawings. However, the catch is that you are NOT allowed to use a pencil or any tool that allows you to erase. Start with marker, ink, or pen. The idea here is that, inside, we know that "pen is permanent" and "can't be fixed". By forcing ourselves to make mistakes, survive, and try again, (rinse repeat), it can help us move past the perfectionism we struggle with.
What do you draw? Anything you like. Fanart, still life, your characters, anything!
If that doesn't work for you, another possible option is tracing. I know tracing has a bad rep, but it gives you the ability to draw something, anything, and just start moving again. Think of it like training wheels or physical therapy. The point isn't to be jumping around like Michael Jordan, the point is to start gaining control over ourselves again and rebuilding confidence and strength over time.
While the end result does mean something to some people, how "good" or "bad" something is doesn't really matter too much. Teh actual process of creating art is the feeling we ultimately chase, and you need to figure out how to fall in love that that process, teh actual act of creating art, and not care so much about the end result.
I’d like to add something for MComicman - don’t be hard on yourself, many creative people have similar issues
I have some thought bubbles. And if they sound different than anybody else, it's not because I think their opinions are wrong. I just tend to have weird opinions. Mea Culpa.
First of all, about the best thing I can say is to stop comparing your skills and your work to other people. And if you do feel the need to do that, the best way to do it is as a response to what you believe comics and even fiction are lacking.
I hear you about the need to make your comic better than anything else. I don't have a similar drive precisely, but if the comic I wrote was not my favorite story of all time (even though I wrote it) I wouldn't bother writing it. I wouldn't need to. I'd be content with fiction as it is. While I think pop-culture is so fucked up, I'm gonna do things my way.
But...But... I don't think the opinion that your story is your favorite needs to be universal. As a matter of fact, I think it might be harmful, not just to you as a creator. But possibly to readers of comics everywhere.
I might be contradicting myself here but despite me digging my story more than anything else, where it comes to TV, movies, and comics, I am not a snob. My standards in fiction are shockingly low. It says something about how bad current fiction is that I find so much to complain about while TV, comics, and movies need to fill SO few bare minimum requirements to keep me happy. I think people have become a little TOO discerning in fiction to be honest. Streaming and The Golden Age Of Television has raised a generation of spoiled viewers who want their drama and mystery answers now now now and are looking at the destination instead of the journey. I think being unable to appreciate a work of fiction week in and week out, with no larger expectations has been bad for popular culture. And it's been terrible for fandom too. Nobody is willing to take a chance on a project deliberately growing in scope as it goes along. If the first fifteen minutes aren't better than the last episode of Breaking Bad, why bother? The Slow Burn is a nearly extinct pop culture animal. And I mentioned viewers are spoiled. But I would also argue that all of the nonstop heartwrenching and frankly unearned melodrama current fiction has overloaded their projects with, has masked the fact that often the only reason a project actually kills off a bunch of characters in a single go for shock value is because their writers aren't smart of clever enough to come up with a bigger, cleverer or more rewarding twist. Their premise is not solid enough to lead itself to that. It's a sign of storytelling weakness, not strength. I would in fact argue that for a LOT of work in the modern era, things are NOT actually better than they ever were and in fact things are worse than ever, masked by flashy art or directing. But I recognize the soullessness of a project deciding to repeatedly punish the viewer because they cannot legit challenge them, much less satisfy them.
What I am suggesting is that every person who creates a work of fiction be it comic, novel, movie, cartoon, or TV show has their own process and their own issues. You stubbornly refusing to let go of your big idea is something that reminds me a little of myself. I created Gilda in the first grade, which if I have my chronology right would make her birth either 1982 or 1983. I did a bunch of shitty drawings and grade school stories and as a teenager starting making Gilda and Meek comics. I stopped because they were so shitty and I was embarrassed of them. I abandoned my work for a good 20 years.
As pop-culture was beginning to truly wear on me, I wished somebody would create a kick butt heroine would wasn't ultimately going to be defined by which man she would settle down with. Where the adventures themselves were rewarding enough that she never wanted or needed to get nice and domesticated. Her happy ending is fighting the good fight, not giving it up for the right man.
And I realized I already did that, said to myself "Holy shit!" and looked over my (VERY) shitty outline and was delighted to see every extremely shitty thing about it was a super easy fix and the bones of the story were strong. And here I am. I put the first issue of the final reboot of Gilda And Meek And The Un-Iverse to paper in 2016, started posting my work online in 2017, and now have 67 issues so far (out of a planned) 90 and over 3000 pages at my site.
What I'm suggesting is it's okay to let things percolate. Wait until you have enough time or wisdom to see around the corners of the problems you believe your story has. Don't put yourself on a timetable to please other people. If you have to step back for 20 years to get it right, do that. And yeah, it would be good if your story is your favorite story in the world. But don't for one second think you need everyone ELSE to think that about it. That's a sucker's game and why current fiction sucks. Look for the few fans who will groove to your unique point of view instead of the masses who every piece of fictional tripe masquerading as deep and tragic.
I'm not saying my view is the correct one. However it's important to get many different perspectives about things like this.