The Iron Ragdoll Chapter 1 feedback

Hi, just had quick look over. I'm presuming the target audience are kids. I liked the colors you used. I found it difficult to follow the story because it seems to be in tiny fragments and not a cohesive whole. Maybe that's a kid thing too, short concentration. Characters are pleasant and amusing. I hope it goes well for you.

@Zmax thank you for your feedback! I would like to ask why you think the story is not "a cohesive whole"? Because it wans't meant to be that way.

Hi Tofutush. I only responded above because your post was 6 days old at the time and nobody had responded. I thought that was pretty sad. We're supposed to be a community, but it seemed no one could be bothered, so I had a look. Your stuff is outside my scope of work so I'm not a good judge of your stuff. About being a cohesive whole, it's just that you've got a lot of releases about 5 pages each, one is even just 1 page from memory. In my line of thinking, my sort of work, I'd join them all together as one release of like 25 to 35 pages, a cohesive whole, so the reader gets a full chapter or episode or what ever you want to call it, instead of little fragmented pieces. That's all. I hope you didn't get upset about it. There was no harm intended. All the best to you. Cheers.