Toesucker47
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I didn’t wanna post today but I post on weekends and fridays so here’s the original script: 💥 Episode 4: “Weinerman vs. The Guardians of the Globe”
A Yankees game, a GMOD prop gun, and a super-powered gangbang of multiversal proportions.
🎬 COLD OPEN – Yankee Stadium, Present Day
[Weinerman is in full Yankees gear, eating a peanut butter-covered hot dog, yelling at the umpire. The crowd’s electric.]
Weinerman (screaming):
HEY BLUE! That pitch was more crooked than Homelander’s Tinder messages!
[Suddenly, a glitch in the sky opens. The screen turns blue like a GMOD crash. A loud “PROP SPAWNED” sound blares as a rift tears open mid-stadium.]
[Lobotomy-Man appears in the sky, holding a corrupted GMod Physics Gun, spinning it in the air like a crackhead wizard.]
Lobotomy-Man (cackling):
I WAS BORED SO I DOWNLOADED A MULTIVERSE MOD!
Also I think the Yankees suck. Anyway, here’s the Guardians of the Globe!
[POOF. The entire Guardians team from Invincible (Omni-Man, War Woman, Red Rush, etc.) spawns mid-field.]
Red Rush (confused Russian):
…Where is this? Why does air smell like sweaty nuts and overpriced beer?
Omni-Man (annoyed):
Why are we here? And who the hell is that?
[He points at Weinerman, who’s licking peanut butter off his glove.]
Weinerman:
Oh hell naw. Not the moustache menace again.
🥜 ACT 1 – SODOM & BASEBALL
[Weinerman runs to the dugout, straps on his nut-utility belt, and grabs the “Mega Nut Blaster” (looks like a super-soaker full of peanut butter & regret).]
Weinerman:
You crashed my Yankees game.
Now I'ma crash your skulls.
[Cue the most balls-to-the-wall fight sequence in cartoon history. Peanut butter flying. Superheroes punching. Omni-Man slices a pretzel stand in half. Weinerman tackles Red Rush into the Jumbotron. War Woman tries to bash him with a baseball bat but slips on hotdog mustard.]
Random Fan (recording on phone):
BRO THIS IS BETTER THAN AVENGERS ENDGAME
💥 ACT 2 – THE HOMELANDER TWIST
[Just as Weinerman is getting double-teamed by Green Ghost and The Immortal, Homelander descends from the clouds holding a warm cup of milk and a confused baby goat.]
Homelander:
Did someone say crossover?
[He vaporizes War Woman just for fun.]
Weinerman (panting):
BRO I DON’T EVEN GO HERE
Lobotomy-Man (watching from a GoPro drone):
Yeah this escalated. I’ma spawn in Garfield next if it gets boring.
🧠ACT 3 – THE FINAL PLAY
[Omni-Man and Homelander square off, while Weinerman gets ready to sacrifice it all. He climbs the foul pole, pulls out the Forbidden Nut—the sacred jar of Skippy that grants him Ultra Jizz Mode.]
Weinerman:
This nut’s been sealed since 1986…
If I open it… I can’t ever poop again…
[He opens it. Time slows. A blinding burst of creamy light blasts across the stadium. Everything gets sticky. Omni-Man gets blinded, Homelander gets KO’d by a flying squirrel mascot, and Weinerman slams a peanut butter uppercut into Red Rush’s groin at Mach 7.]
🎉 ENDING – PEACE (TEMPORARILY)
[Yankees win by default. Fans cheer. Everyone’s covered in peanut butter. Omni-Man vanishes into a rift muttering “I hate this universe.”]
Lobotomy-Man (laughing in the background):
Next time I spawn the Smurfs.
Weinerman (limping to the bleachers):
Y’all better never interrupt baseball again.
Now if you’ll excuse me…
I gotta rehydrate my nuts.
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