1977

I've always felt uncomfortable whenever I see one or more people riding an energy wave that would require me to rise up to the same level if I wanted to show agreement. My first reaction is to grab the reins of their galloping horse and bring everyone down with a jolt like "that's not really that funny", or "ok, now, that's not actually how it is". Throw some sort of negation between the legs of the horse. Sometimes the horse jumps right over the obstacle and I'm left in the dust, alone... sometimes everyone comes down to talk to me as the party pooper, but that's not really that satisfying, so I'm not really sure what I'm trying to accomplish invalidating others. Still, in 1977 there was a lot of conviction riding in the streets, to the point of people brandishing "convincers" and sometimes shooting them. So it was hard for me not to take a step back. I had very strong weapons of my own, I was not just a teen with a mood. Studying meditation and the Buddhist view, I could masquerade my neurodivergent fear of social situations with a few points about overcoming attachment, overcoming the rage that spilled into the streets to engage in proper, clear, lucid action. But within me, I was beginning not to be sure if I was using my view to justify my fears and sense of isolation and inadequacy.