Release #18 - Story 11 - Underground Moving Forward

uncaray 3 years ago

Hi, Ray Barnes here. Fine expressive art work, I enjoy the creative panels. The writing needs to be tightened, you have done a fine job expositing the character and the situation but it needs to be compressed, the back and forth chit chat will lose most readers early on. I get the feeling the art is only there to support the text. I would try to develop the expressive powers of the art itself to carry the story along and fill in details. For example the introduction of the character to the Happy Organization with a drawing of a large impressive building with lots of people coming in and out. Do carry on, I want to see who these people are and what they are up to...